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SORRY
Mr Ex! OUT NOW! “The
book is Sassy, Intoxicating, Vulnerable, real are words that conjure up in my mind in describing this book. Yet these words
do not even begin to decipher the emotional adventure that is transmitted through its pages!”
CHAPTER 1 "Hey, My Dearest, Mr eX, I’m deeply
SORRY for the hell that I have put you through, in these last few days! I’m sure you’re regretting that very moment
you walked into my store, that very day, seeking help with your mobile phone…well the rest is history now! I myself
truly don’t understand my own capabilities but that certainly doesn’t excuse me for my recent, erratic behaviour,
which I assure you never happened before! Ok so gorging
myself senseless, on a few alcoholic beverages and ransacking your workplace at peak time in the Staines High Street, calling
your boss an obnoxious, overweight and egotistical buffalo, wasn’t really the smartest move. Aggressively hounding your
work colleague, J, into giving me an eye test, was a little abrasive! But seriously I couldn’t suppress myself when
he began flashing those lights directly into my, dilating, pupils, now that was inevitably going to make me feel nauseated.
I know now vomiting all over J’s cherished Armani suit wasn’t very ladylike, but in my defence I did try to direct
that vomit in the bin, it’s just his legs got in the way! That excess burst
of energy, obviously from the caffeine, catapulted me into running up and down those steep steps to your, “out of bounds,”
staff room, I must have looked like a gerbil on speed or something! Alcohol tends to unbolt those hinged curiosity cells and
I swear I could hear groans coming from that staff room, so I guess I needed to check it out, for HEALTH AND SAFETY purposes!
I was certainly on the road to destructing my self esteem; I’m too embarrassed to indulge in the rest of the story!
I completely
understand the reason for getting myself barred from your workplace, but nearly costing you your own job was utterly foolish,
not to mention excruciatingly awkward! After many years
of soul searching and numerous amounts of failed, disastrous, relationships, I’d finally found you, a kind, compassionate
and simply adorable guy. You’ve, without fail; have managed to laugh at all my pathetic jokes, which in itself have
been quite heart-warming, seen as many guys have found my sense of humour to be in short supply. Also they way you mimic my
pronunciation of the letter “R”, which I’m compelled to exaggerate, emphasizing it with an American accent,
always tinkers my happy buds, I can honestly reminisce for eternity…. So Mr eX, I hope
it’s not too late to explain my budding fascination with you, it’s imperative I begin with my rebellious attitude….." Absolutely loved this book from start to finish! I laughed out loud, cried
and occasional punched the wall - this book has it all. I have never heard of this author before but get writing lady because
I'll be buying everything you get out there the minute I can! In fact I might by this book again just to keep me satisfy my
hunger.
Mila and Ria’s Guide to POTENTIALLY meeting “the One” 1-THE GUY- Ok so you see an attractive guy and you can’t stop drooling, put that tongue right back in and approach him,
forget all this nonsense about how guys should always make the first move, get your ass and take it over to him! This is the twenty
first Century and guys love upbeat women! 2-EXCHANGING NUMBERS- This part tends to be a little tricky, but I just say to go for it and outright ask the
guy for his number, the worse he can say is no, but if that doesn’t take your fancy move one lower and start talking
about “facebook” and add him to that! 3-THE FIRST DATE.-Proactively! So at this point, you’ve done all the chasing but now it’s his turn! It’s very important
to let the guy handle things from here, it portrays his assertiveness, confidence and it also shows he cares enough to make
an effort. You don’t want to be with a prudish guy who constantly keeps telling you to sort the date out, that’s
such a huge turn off! 4-THE KISS- This is very important! If he’s an atrocious kisser, then he most definitely will be abysmal at other things
too! Atrocious being, him using too much tongue, like he’s trying to prod your tonsils or something, not such a turn
on! Or even not using enough tongue can be a bad sign, which just means he’s not adventurous enough! 5-CONFIDENCE-You definitely want that in a man but not too much! How confident should
a guy be? If he’s trying to be the life and soul of the party, all eyes on me, it means he’s insecure; the whole
confidence thing disguises his insecurity, it’s a known fact! All that, over the top behaviour, just makes up for that
inner void, he lacks! Guys who are insecure
or feel threatened are bound to cheat on you, they have to cheat, it’s to prove to themselves that they are desired
and some guys constantly need to feed their egos! 6- PUBLIC AFFECTION-This leads from point 5. How your guy behaves in public, when he’s with you. If he’s
all affectionate towards you, all eye’s on you, very attentive, constantly keeping up with all your moans and groans
and oblivious to that really hot girl walking past, then pass the buck around, we want some of him too! Guys who lack enthusiasm,
every girl will pick up on that, some just try to ignore it hoping he will eventually perk up, but don’t avoid that
sign, it just means he’s not that into you, so move on! 7-SEX-This is the most important test, now you must never rush into this, no matter what! You need to suss
the guy out first, if you require further assistance, that’s what your girlfriends are there for! How is he with you, is
he constantly pestering you for it, from the moment you meet, constantly insinuating it, like nothing else is on his mind?
Seriously if you think sleeping with a guy will emotionally attach him to you then your seriously deluded, men are resistant
creatures! Smart too, he’ll wine and dine you on one or maybe two dates, say and do all the correct things, have his
way, and then BANG he’s disappeared forever! You need to be one step ahead, if you like him hold back for a while, if
he just wanted sex he’ll give up and not bother with you but if he wants more he’ll stick around, it just saves
a lot of heartache. 8-SEX IN ACTION- Great Sex = Hold on to him! Crap Sex = Dumped, you can’t seriously torment yourself; no girl should go through that!
You obviously can’t dump him right away; you don’t want come across as a tart, give it as least a month
and in the mean time, keep using the old excuse of have being on YOUR PERIOD, it always works!
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